On the Hipness of Monsters

By Terry M Gresham

Frankenstein’s monster is the only notable monster. Vampires are lazy blood-suckers. Werewolves, aside from being coprophagous, are nudists who have no idea where their clothes went.

In contrast, the Frankenstein—monster loves flowers— attempts to make the best of monster life but to no avail. He is hunted down and hated—why? Perhaps it is his inability to transform himself into a hipster.

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      Mary Shelley’s Monster says,
“There was none among the myriads of men that existed who would pity or assist me; and should I feel kindness towards my enemies? No: from that moment I declared everlasting war against the species, and, more than all, against him who had formed me and sent me forth to this insupportable misery.”
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Sorry Frankenstein Monster but that’s not exactly a statement one would expect from a scary member of the “in-crowd,” now is it?
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Now, let’s take a look at the Peter Boyle Frankenstein in Young Frankenstein. Here is one case where the monster overcomes some of the obstacles of the genre. Unlike a vampire in the same role, he never has to show teeth to be cool. Take teeth away from werewolves and vampires and there’s not much there. Take teeth away from the Frankenstein monster and you still have a pretty darn good monster who delights in classical music, the ol’ soft shoe, and Bernadette Peters.
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Here’s what people are saying about Monsters on Facebook:
  • Teri McGrath: “Frankenstein just wanted love.”
  • Stephen Schwake: “The creature from the black lagoon is pretty cool.”
  • Sharon Cheatwood: “You forgot the MUMMY! All it took was a little pot with 9 tanna leaves. Always the one that scared me. Take their pot and leaves, they stay asleep.”
  • Gena Kish: “Frankie was also a pining lover of classical music and did quite a soft-shoe…(R.I.P. Peter Boyle)
  • Teri McGrath: “Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet mystery of life at last I’ve found yooooou….”
  • Stephen Schwake: “Frank always got the best parts…”
  • Eric Myers: ” Harryhausen’s monsters never say a word. And yet we feel such sadness when each one is killed via some god-like intervention.”
  • Weyodi Squid:  “Indeed, Frankenstein’s Monster it is.
  • Gary Shindler: “I read a new Munsters will be on TV soon. *Groan*”
 Frankenstein a hipster?  No way. Werewolves and vampires definitely but never Franky.
The Urban Dictionary gives this definition of a hipster:
“I define “hipsters” as poseurs who are imitating people who are actually hip, or at least who they perceive to be hip,” and,”Hipsters can be easily identified by their excessively portrayed personalities and attitudes of being “too cool for life, as well as their belief that they are “cooler” than others…”
Well, there you have it. This definitely sums up werewolves and vampires.
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TV can’t do monster though it can try. Then again there was a failed attempt to manufacture a hip lame sit-com, The Munsters (1964) It was bad except for Yvonne De Carlo. Still, TV can’t make monsters. Never once does Herman Munster utter anything as revealing and genuine as:
“But I am a blasted tree; the bolt has entered my soul; and I felt then that I should survive to exhibit what I shall soon cease to be–a miserable spectacle of wrecked humanity, pitiable to others and intolerable to myself.”
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